Hi there, New York Yankees. It is us, the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, your upcoming opponent in the American League Championship Series. You might remember us from other playoff encounters like the 2005 ALDS or perhaps the 2002 ALDS. Oh, that’s right! We nearly forgot, we beat you in those series. Silly us, where are our manners?
Together again, at last.
We know we haven’t really met up in awhile, but we have to say that we’re really looking forward to this match-up. We know that everyone thinks we should be scared of you, but who are they kidding, right? We keep hearing about all your great starting pitching but all we see is a big fat guy, the league’s highest paid underachiever and a washed up veteran that looks like he needs to start another cycle of HGH and then apologize immediately thereafter, again. We know they cost a lot money, but we just are not getting that “shake in our boots” feeling, sorry. Don’t feel bad though, on paper Sabathia, Burnett and Pettitte are a frightening trio. We just can’t overlook the tiny fact that those three are combined to make seven starts against us this year and went 1-4 with a 6.21 ERA and 1.64 WHIP. Those are definitely scary numbers, just not on our end.
Your line-up is pretty good though, we’ll give you that. Adding Mark Teixeira to the middle of the order really gave you guys a boost. Actually, speaking of Teixeira, we’ve been meaning to thank you for snaking his greedy ass away from us. We admit, we were pretty pissed off at the time to lose Tex, but it has really turned out to be a blessing. Had we spent all that ridiculous cash on keeping him with us, we never would have picked up Bobby Abreu who almost single-handedly turned our offense around. You remember Bobby, right? One man’s trash is another man’s treasure, as they say. Not to mention, we doubt we would have been able to find enough at-bats for Kendry Morales in order to allow him to have the awesome breakout season he had this year. Heck, we may have been too strapped for money that we might not have been able to absorb Scott Kazmir’s salary in that late-season trade. Now that we think about it, we actually owe it all you that we are even here. Thanks, Yankees.
This is the part where you are going to think we are being ungrateful for everything you’ve done for us. We are going to have to go ahead and beat you up now. It is hardly the way we should be repaying you, but all is fair in love, war and baseball, right? Nothing personal.
Your free agent decisions set the Angels up for success, but time for us to push you around, Yankees.
We aren’t trying to gloat or talk trash or anything, it is really just common sense. We are going to beat you like we always do, that is just the way it is. Yeah, we know that we have changed a bit over the years in adding more power and patience to the line-up but at our core we are still the same uber-aggressive squad that has run circles around you for the last decade. With all the money you’ve spent over the last few years, your defense isn’t that much better and your mental make-up remains shaky. Seriously, you really expect A.J. Burnett to keep his focus in such a pressure-filled game with the Angel baserunners constantly distracting him? Surely you jest.
Yes, we do realize this sounds pretty hypocritical. After all, the Boston Red Sox were making similar claims of dominance recently and we both know how well that turned out. But you have to understand, what is going here between the two of us is much different than that. Our issues with Boston were strictly emotional. We’ve always matched up decently with them talent-wise, but just had a mental block. But you and us, the issue isn’t mental at all, but tactical. All the confidence in the world isn’t going to give your corner outfielders better range or help Jorge Posada throw out our basestealers.
So, hopefully this little message doesn’t ruin your day. Actually, that’s a lie, we don’t really care if it ruined your day. We’ve been trying to be polite here, but the truth of the matter is that we have never liked you, not one bit. Honestly, nobody else in the league likes you. We look forward to beating you. Everyone else wants us to beat you and that is exactly what we intend to do.