…in the Year 2011

Anyone who knows me knows that I’m with Coco.  And being such a fan, I can’t help but think of his tried and true “…in the year 2000” bit whenever I think of the Angels future.  While this season isn’t even over yet (technically), I don’t think it is ever too early to borrow from Conan O’Brien and take a look ahead to see what is in store for the Halos… in the year 2011.

In the Year 2000

What can the Angels expect in the year 2000 2011.

In the year 2011… the Angels celebrate the triumphant return of Kendry Morales only to see him sprain his shoulder waving to the fans during introductions on Opening Day.  He would go on to spend the first month of the season on the DL.

In the year 2011… Mike Napoli will at long last become an everyday player and start 140+ games at catcher, first and DH.  Yes, the fans of the Detroit Tigers will really love watching Napoli slugging for them in the middle of the order as a result of the December trade they made to acquire him.

In the year 2011… for the first time in years, nobody will complain about the Angel closer but only because nobody knows who the closer actually is since Mike Scioscia keeps rotating Fernando Rodney, Kevin Jepsen and free agent signee Scott Downs through the role, to middling results.  Yet through a strange confluence of circumstances, Brian Fuentes will still blow eight saves for the Angels even though he doesn’t play for them anymore.

In the year 2011… Howie Kendrick will finally win that batting title we were all promised.  Tragically, Howie will only end up winning the batting crown after a rare strain of the ebola virus is released that targets and kills every person on earth capable of hitting over .285.

In the year 2011… Scott Kazmir will win 14 games with a sub-4.00 ERA.  No joke, that is going to happen.  Seriously.  Stop laughing.  Stop it!

In the year 2011… in his neverending quest to build a roster full of utility infielders, Mike Scioscia will stop having Tony Reagins pursue trades and instead enroll at UC-Irvine so that he can earn a doctorate in genetic engineering and clone Maicer Izturis.

In the year 2011… Mike Scioscia will finally cook up a batting order so non-sensical and frustrating that my head will literally explode.

In the year 2011… Jeff Mathis still won’t have figured out how to hit.

In the year 2011… Brandon Wood makes due on his vast potential by posting a slash line of .285/.370/.565 and is named the team MVP… of the Long Island Ducks of the Independent League.

In the year 2011… because Peter Bourjos covers so much ground in the outfield, the Angels adopt a radical new defense with just one outfielder and six infielders.  By season’s end, only one ball ever landed in the outfield grass and that was only because Bourjos tripped over his an untied shoelace, and even then, he still managed to get the tip of his glove on the ball.

In the year 2011… the Angels finally return to the World Series after spending the off-season overhauling their roster to get back to the fundamentals that made them on of the top teams in the league this century: defense, situational hitting and aggression on the basepaths.  Oh, and that Carl Crawford guy they signed helped a little bit too.

Garrett Wilson

About Garrett Wilson

Garrett Wilson is the founder and Supreme Overlord of Monkeywithahalo.com and editor at The Outside Corner. He's an Ivy League graduate, but not from one of the impressive ones. You shouldn't make him angry. You wouldn't like him when he is angry.