After dealing with such dour issues like racism in recent days, I think it is time for a little levity in the Halosphere. To that end, I’ve done a little investigative reporting (and by that I mean mostly making a bunch of stuff up, kind of like Fox News) to unearth some storylines from Angels training camp that you may not have been aware of:
- The real reason that Mike Scioscia refuses to give Mike Napoli the full-time job at catcher isn’t that Naps is a defensive liability, but rather that Napoli defeated Scioscia in a lasagna eating contest and Sosh has never forgiven him for it.
- A dark horse in the competition for the fifth outfielder spot is actually a giant piece of dog crap. It doesn’t have any real skills, but management just can’t believe how much more productive the piece of crap has already been when compared to Gary Matthews. However, there is no truth to the rumor that the Mets want to trade for the piece of crap because their roster limit is already filled.
- The Angels lied about why Kendry Morales was late to report to camp. It wasn’t visa problems at all. The truth is that Kendry Morales locked himself in an In-N-Out Burger restaurant for three weeks because he finally found out about the secret menu and was busy gorging himself on 4-by-4s and animal stye french fries.
- The one thing that the Angel players miss the most about Vladimir Guerrero is all the great Latin food his mom used to make for the clubhouse to eat. (Believe it or not, that is actually true.)
- If the Angels depth chart is to be believed (and it probably isn’t), Brian Stokes has a long climb up the depth chart to make the team… either that or the Angels plan on carrying 16 pitchers on the regular season roster. It also appears that the Angels know something we don’t since Ervin Santana is considered the number two starter while Scott Kazmir is the number four. I do get the feeling that Mike Scioscia had nothing to do with this chart though since Maicer Izturis is listed strictly as a back-up whereas Scioscia’s depth chart probably has him as the starter at third… and second… and short… and rover (just in case the Angels ever have to play a softball game).
- Torii Hunter isn’t the only player that made controversial comments about a minority lately. You probably don’t know this, but Juan Rivera secretly harbors a deep-seeded, lifelong hatred of Twi-hards. His head practically exploded with rage when he saw the new trailer for Eclipse. Hideki Matsui, however, already has tickets to the midnight showing.
- What is going on with Arte Moreno and his beard? I need to know more about it. Why did he grow it? Is he going to keep it just through Spring Training? Is it like some sort of “strike beard” and he isn’t going to shave it off until the team wins the World Series? Does he know how awful it looks? Has anyone told him? I can’t imagine his wife approved it. What if the beard thing catches? Will the rest of the team grow them too? Can you imagine what Mike Scioscia or Erick Aybar would look like with a full-on Grizzly Adams beard? I think this might be my new obsession.
Actually, the Mets tried to trade for the piece of crap, but it was cheaper to trade for GMJ.
The official depth chart doesn’t seem so official.