Free For All Friday: The Heat’s Fourth Quarter Offense Is As Effective as the Angels’ Lineup

Good news, Angel fans!  I’ve finally found an offense more unclutch and pathetic than the Halos’ offense!!!

I thought it was an impossible task to unearth something even more inept than the Angels’ batting order, but lo and behold I turned on the NBA Finals and… BINGO!  I never imagined that I would have to watch another sport to find even worse execution in the clutch, but sure enough, there were the Miami Heat bricking shot after shot, running unimaginative plays and seeming generally frightened of the ball in the final minutes of the game.

Heck, the Heat even have a ring leader of their awfulness.  Much like Torii Hunter sets the standard for sucking for the Halos with all of his untimely GIDPs, LeBron James hamstrings the Miami offense by hiding from the ball down the stretch and launching long two-point jumpers instead of attacking the rim in the rare instance that the ball does actually find its way over to him cowering in the corner.

Thanks, LeBron.  I don’t feel so bad now, especially since you and the rest of the Heat somehow managed to make it this far despite such glaring deficiencies.  I think I might just go ahead and buy my World Series tickets now.

LeBron chokes

Hey, I think I’ve seen that look before.  I bet you if he lowered the jersey a little we would all see… THE SCIOSCIA FACE!!!

Here are a few other topics for you to discuss amongst yourselves:

  • Things could be worse for the Angels, they could be the Athletics who have slid so badly of late that they pressed the panic button and promoted their top prospect and fired their manager in the same week.
  • For the last several years, I’ve live in a house without a dishwasher.  But in one week of living in Seattle with a dishwasher, I can’t believe I ever lived without one.  Soap and sponges are totally for suckers.
  • Wait, I’ve been on Twitter all this time and I never direct messaged pictures of my unit to my female followers.  I didn’t realize this was even an option.  Thanks, Congressman Weiner!  Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go start making up for lost time.

Or just feel free to bring up a non-Angels topic of your own.  I don’t really care (as long as you keep it clean) because it’s Friday.

Garrett Wilson

About Garrett Wilson

Garrett Wilson is the founder and Supreme Overlord of and editor at The Outside Corner. He's an Ivy League graduate, but not from one of the impressive ones. You shouldn't make him angry. You wouldn't like him when he is angry.