Mike Trout put the big leagues on notice last night that he is already ready to become the kind of star many though he could be by clubbing two homers in a game less than a month after turning 20 years old. That is one mighty impressive feat from a mighty impressive young talent, but it actually isn’t even close to the other things he is capable that we just haven’t heard about yet. The guy is just so multi-talented that there isn’t enough space on the internet to catalog all his amazing accomplishments, so I’ve whittled it down to a top ten list for your reading pleasure.
Bonus accomplishment, breaking the internet’s capacity for ridiculous hyperbole.
- In Mike Trout’s first Little League game, he went 5-for-4 with six five-run homers… without using the tee.
- They say Cool Papa Bell was so fast he could turn off on the light switch and be in bed before the room went dark. What they didn’t tell you is that Mike Trout is so fast that he actually hit the switch first, turned down Bell’s sheets, left a mint on his pillow and left the room before Cool Papa even took his first step.
- Mike Trout has already been named the MVP of the 2012… in both leagues.
- Mike Trout skipped Triple-A because the league took out a restraining order against him.
- Mike Trout is the person who provides the express written consent of Major League Baseball.
- Actual trouts have filed a class-action suit to change their species name since they are all now suffering from crippling inferiority complexes ever since Mike Trout was promoted.
- Mike Trout was once intentionally walked while he was on-deck.
- God once tried to pitch to Mike Trout. Once.
- Mike Trout is considered a five-tool prospect, but that is only because he hasn’t invented a sixth tool yet.
- When Chuck Norris goes to bed at night, he checks his closet for Mike Trout.
I’m having too much fun with this, I’m doing ten more:
- Every time a pitcher strikes out Mike Trout, the pitcher has to go to confession to ask for forgiveness. His penance is three Hail Marys and death.
- Mike Trout’s Hall of Fame induction ceremony is next week.
- The scouting report on how to pitch to Mike Trout is just one word: Don’t.
- The last time Mike Trout went 0-for-4, the stock market dropped 800 points.
- When Mike Trout plays at Coors Field, they have to put him in the humidor.
- When Albert Pujols grows up, he wants to be Mike Trout.
- Mike Trout is the first player to be unanimously voted into an All-Star Game.
- Jered Weaver signed his contract extension because Mike Trout told him to.
- Mike Trout’s WAR is so high, only Stephen Hawking can calculate it.
- The Angels have changed their name to the Los Angeles Angels of Mike Trout.