Top Ten Thursday: Reasons the Angels Should Sign Charlie Sheen

Let’s face it, Charlie Sheen has taken over all media.  Who am I to resist?  Sheen may be a Reds fan, but he does live in California, so why not try and let him live out his dream of playing in the bigs by having the Angels sign him?  Don’t think it is a good idea?  Well, let this week’s top ten list try and convince you otherwise.

Charlie Sheen Major League

Someone get this man a contract… NOW!  He may not be alive much longer.

  1. If Charlie can cure his addiction to drugs with the power of his mind in a matter of minutes, he should be able to use that same mental power to cure Mike Scioscia of his addiction to Jeff Mathis by no later than late-June.
  2. Arte Moreno may not be willing to spend big bucks to take the Angels to the next level, but Sheen seems to have no problem throwing money around to get what he wants.  Bring him into the fold and the Angels won’t ever miss out on a free agent again.
  3. He’d be a perfect fit in the bullpen.  The Angels badly need a proven closer and Ricky “Wild Thing” Vaughn certainly has the track record.
  4. Just imagine how much better the experience of attending an Angels game live will be when you know that there is a one-in-three chance that you will end up sitting next to one of Sheen’s pornstar girlfriends.  On a related note, you might want to wipe your seat down with some Purell first.
  5. Forget about having him play, why not have him join the Angels announcing crew?  Can you only imagine what he would say?  I just hope he doesn’t melt our faces with the power of his color commentary.
  6. Brandon Wood could really use an infusion of Charlie’s tiger blood and Adonis DNA.
  7. Let’s just say that if any of the Angels ever feel like they need some “pharmaceutical” help to kick their game up a notch, Sheen would be a pretty good guy to have around.
  8. Because if Sheen is too busy playing baseball, they’ll never make another episode of that craptastic Two and a Half Men show.
  9. He’s a warlock, apparently, so I’m pretty sure he can use his magical powers to give the Angels a competitive edge.
  10. Because Charlie would bring the Angels something they lacked last season… WINNING.  Duh!
Garrett Wilson

About Garrett Wilson

Garrett Wilson is the founder and Supreme Overlord of and editor at The Outside Corner. He's an Ivy League graduate, but not from one of the impressive ones. You shouldn't make him angry. You wouldn't like him when he is angry.