Top Ten Thursday: Ways to Get Rid of Jeff Mathis

Jeff Mathis has been historically awful his entire career and the Angel fan base has responded with an appropriate amount of loathing all along.  Unfortunately, Mike Scioscia still can’t seem to quit Mathis, no matter how loud the public outcry is.  With Hank Conger destroying Triple-A and the Angels in the heat of the playoff hunt, that desire to finally see Scioscia get rid of Mathis for good appears to be at an all-time high.  Clearly logic and rationale have not convinced Scioscia to part ways with his favorite backstop yet, so if we are really going to put our long nightmare to an end, we are doing to have to resort to some extreme measures.

Jeff Mathis fails

Don’t you yell at me!  You’re the one who sucks!!!

  1. The Angels head to Toronto next week, so they will have to pass through customs, so maybe someone could plant a brick of heroin, an explosive device or seven and a crazy manifesto threatening to assasinate Obama and the Canadian Prime Minister in his luggage
  2. Start collecting money from Angel fans to raise whatever money is needed to finally get Mathis to give Scioscia back the incriminating pictures he obviously has of Mike.
  3. Sneak into the Angel clubhouse after hours and replace the nameplate on the back of Mathis’ jersey with a “Napoli” nameplate, Scioscia will probably bench him out of habit once he sees it
  4. Trade for Scott Cousins and run “blocking the plate” practice drills with him and Mathis until Jeff gets Buster Posey-ed
  5. This time of year, every player gets passed through trade waivers, so hire those hackers that News Corp used and have them hack into Rangers GM Josh Daniels’ computer and make him place a waiver claim on Mathis when he hits the wire and then shutdown the entire network so that the Angels can’t pull Mathis back off waivers thus helping the Angels and screwing the Rangers at the same time (double whammy!)
  6. Go the reverse psychology route and throw a parade for Mathis when the Angels get back to town, it is risky, but it might trick Scioscia into thinking he is finally making a smart lineup choice, so he’ll bench Mathis in response since he does have a reputation to maintain
  7. Build a time machine and travel back to June of 1982 and do whatever it takes to prevent his parents from ever conceiving little Jeffrey
  8. Reduce Jeff’s credit rating from AAA to AA+, apparently that is a really, really bad thing
  9. Convince Mathis to hire Scott Boras as his agent since we all know that Boras will go out of his way to make sure Mathis won’t remain an Angel any longer than he has to
  10. Three words: Seal Team Six
Garrett Wilson

About Garrett Wilson

Garrett Wilson is the founder and Supreme Overlord of and editor at The Outside Corner. He's an Ivy League graduate, but not from one of the impressive ones. You shouldn't make him angry. You wouldn't like him when he is angry.