Let’s face it, the current series against the Rangers has been an unmitigated disaster. With the Angels now seven games out, their playoff hopes are looking pretty bleak. But they say that desperate times call for desperate measures, so we here at Monkey With a Halo have come up with ten unique moves the Angels can make in order to get themselves back in the AL West race before it is too late.
There has to be some way for the Angels to up-end the Rangers still, right? Right? Anyone?
- Build a time machine, go back in time and undo the Wells-Napoli trade. It may cause a rift in the space-time continuum, but it will totally be worth it.
- The state of Texas has always wanted to secede from the United States. Let’s make that happen.
- Send everyone but Weaver, Santana and Haren to that mysterious doctor that gave all those steroids stem cells to Bartolo Colon and saved his career.
- Just play Jeff Mathis every single game; according to Lyle Spencer, his “firm hand” will guide the Angels to 100 victories for sure.
- Convince Tony Romo to become a two-sport star in Dallas. Once he signs with the Rangers they will immediately choke, just like the Cowboys do every year.
- Punch that punkass Ian Kinsler in the face for seven straight hours. Not only will this weaken the Texas lineup, but it will make us all feel a lot better.
- Activate the microchip we had implanted in Nolan Ryan’s brain way back when he was an Angel and force him to trade rosters with us, then make him kill the Queen of England.
- Hold another closed door meeting. The Angels haven’t done that in like five weeks and those ALWAYS work, don’t they?
- Make a sacrifice to the baseball gods, preferably of the human variety. I’m sure we can all think of one particular catcher we could all live without.
- Fire Tony Reagins. I don’t know how that will improve the Angels’ current performance, but everyone seems to think this is a good idea.