Hey, guess what? Vernon Wells has decided to bait the entire internet. How is he doing that exactly? Check out this exchange he had on Twitter over the weekend.
Submit names to “honor” you and your fans in left field? Sure, Vernon! Thanks for asking. I may not be able to come up with anything as clever as “ToriiWood” or “MatsuiLand,” but here are a few I think everyone will enjoy. And just remember, Wells asked me to do it:
- The Money Pit. This one would be even better if it had one of those debt clocks like they have for the national debt, constantly ticking down how much money Wells has left on his contract at that very second.
- The Black Hole. That’s already the unofficial name for the batter’s box when he is in it, but I’m sure it can handle the double duty.
- Help Wanted: Man in White. Farbeit from me to presume someone cheated, but when Wells actually could hit back in 2010, it was mostly at home in Toronto where they supposedly had the aid of the fabled “man in white” tipping pitches to Blue Jay batters from the outfield.
- The Walking Dead. If you are really still a Wells fan, then you must be a mindless zombie… or Lyle Spencer, either way.
- Vernon’s Disciples. Let’s just go ahead and save everyone time by shortening it to VD, since it feels like the Angels have contracted VD since they acquired Wells.
- This space reserved for Mike Trout. Truth in advertising if I’ve ever seen it.
- Reagins’ Folly. Alaska was Seward’s Folly as it was seen as an extraordinarly unwise and expensive purchase of property from north of the border. Do I really need to explain it beyond that?
- Wishing (You Weren’t) Wells. Lame, I know, but I would have failed the internet if I didn’t make one trite attempt at wordplay on his name.
- Hit it Here, Because We All Know Vernon Can’t. A classic sign with a personal twist just for Vernon.
- The Big Splash Zone. Incredibily obvious, but ultimately the best. Reagins and Moreno promised a “big splash” in the 2010 off-season and they ended up with Wells. It would be a disservice to the history of the Angels to not commemorate this term that is sure to go down in infamy.