We all know the stubborn, backwards-thinking BBWAA hosed our beloved Mike Trout by snubbing him in the American League voting yesterday. It was wrong on so many levels, yet also disappointingly predictable. What you may not know is that the MVP wasn't the only award that Mike Trout was wrongly overlooked for. The following is an extensive, but incomplete, list of those awards that also stupidly snubbed the almighty Trout:
1) The Gold Glove. Seriously, this actually happened. Apparently he was severely lacking in the little known but all-important "blowing bubbles while taking bad routes" category. The eventual winner, Adam Jones, nailed that one.
2) The AVN Award for Male Performer of the Year. For those that don't know (or are pretending to not know so that your significant other doesn't realize how much porn you watch), the AVNs are the "adult film" awards. Now, you tell me, when it comes to baseball porn, who is more thrilling to watch than Mike Trout? Exactly.
3) Player of the Year. He didn't win because it isn't a real award, but plenty of the Cabrera honks said he would've if they had the choice. It isn't a crazy idea either as the NFL has Offensive and Defensive Player of the Year awards in addition to MVP and it is not at all uncommon for the MVP to not win their respective POY award. Personally, I think it would be a cop out, but at least everyone gets a little taste of glory.
4) Nobel Peace Prize. How he didn't get this amazes me. Who else could inspire legions of journalists and everyday people to vehemently decry their total rejection of WAR?
5) Academy Award for Best Picture. His highlight reel is the greatest film of the year. No other film can combine action and drama like that while also making some viewers, the fans, cheer and other viewers, opposing players, cry. Truly a work of art.
6) Olympic Gold Medal. We know he can run at blazing speeds, has 30-homer strength and can do amazing things when he jumps. So, somebody please explain to me how he didn't win the decathlon.
7) Justice League membership. This one blows my mind because we all know that Superman is a founding member of the JLA. As we also all know, thanks to my top-notch investigative reporting, Mike Trout is, in fact, Superman himself. How could this happen? I bet it is Aquaman's fault.
8) National League Rookie of the Year. What's that? The Angels are an AL team. Yeah, sure, that's technically true. But you know what else is true? Trout hit .395/.471/.592 in interleague games. Your arguments are invalid.
9) The Dundies. I'm sure he would have won this year, but alas, there was no Dundies this year because Steve Carell left The Office and it is now unbearably awful.
10) The American League MVP. Because…