With the Christmas spirit in full swing, everyone is decorating trees, stapling lights to their homes, baking wide assortments of holiday goodies and, of course, writing letters to Santa. With less than fifty days until pitchers and catchers report, baseball is attempting to engage in all of these holiday activities while frantically working out trades, contract extensions and farm club call-ups. However this doesn’t mean that letters to Santa are going unwritten. Everyone has a little something they’d like under the tree and the employees of Major League Baseball are no exception. Here, then, are a few choice letters we’ve managed to get our hands on from players of the beloved Angels franchise.
I think I was a very good boy this year, and thus far I’ve managed to not get caught in a trap of fan groupies (despite some very graphic depictions they’ve written of things we may do together). I’m hoping that this year, you can either give me a no-trade clause, or a new contract. Merry Christmas!
-Love, Peter B.
Thank you for my Rookie of the Year award! I love it and it was so nice to receive as an early gift. I think asking for more at this point may seem a little crass, but if you have it in your bag, there is one thing I want. People keep saying the reason I didn’t win the MVP award is because some guy named Miguel had three crowns that I don’t have. I can’t imagine what royal headgear has to do with baseball, but if you have three crowns to spare, I’d love for people to take another look at me next year. I’ll work hard to be a VERY good boy and earn them if you find it in your heart to put them under the tree. Thank you, Santa. Take care!
-Love, Mikey T.
I NEED YOUR HELP! A few years ago, I was the fresh-faced rookie all of the women loved. Now I’m “a stud” (as the radio talk hosts say) and the only one’s interested in me are a bunch of guys talking about how I have “such great power” and how I “bomb the rock pile in batting practice.” I want my fangirls back! I’m not saying you have to make me prettier, but if there’s any way you can somehow make Peter and Mike uglier, I’d love you forever!
-Handsomely Yours, Mark T.
Sorry to combine our letters like this, but we figured we’d save you time. Put together, we’re rich enough to buy and sell your entire North Pole operation, so just stay out of our houses fat man, or you’ll find out how good a six-figure security system can be.
-In Christ, Josh, Albert, and Vernon
Thank you for my new contract in Anaheim. I think I’m going to like it here. They keep saying I’m the new Ervin Santana (I thought you’d like that since he has “Santa” in his name. Just like you!). I was hoping that at the end of your trip, I could have the leftover cookies you have in your sleigh. That is, if CC Sabathia hasn’t eaten them all by the time you get to the West Coast.
Thank you! -Joe B.
I want to punch Justin Verlander in the mouth.
(PS: Erick said he’d give up his Christmas gifts if you can make this happen for me)
You’ve gotta help me big guy! I don’t need any gifts thanks to Arte and Jerry (did you see my brand new Hamilton??), but I have a serious problem! Every game, I keep hearing this damn dog whistle and I can’t help but look for the source! Other people can’t hear it and so I’m pretty sure all of the fans think I’m a little insane. The internet won’t stop making fun of me! You’ll help me, right Mr. Kringle? Please, bring me some ear plugs or find a way to stop that blasted whistle! I’m sick of people taunting me about Sciosciaface!
-Praying for a miracle, Mike S.
When you stop off in Detroit, can you thank Torii for me? He left this dog whistle in his locker and I think it’s pretty neat. I’d really like one of my own for Christmas.