Breaking up with Zack Greinke

Dear Zack,


You know we care about you a lot,or we wouldn’t be writing. That’s part of what makes this so hard to say

We don’t understand what went wrong, Zack. One day we were racing to take the AL West and the next you’re saying we need to see other people. Was it something we did? Something we said? Does a trip to the playoffs mean more to you than what we had? Or is this all about money? You don’t owe us anything, of course, but don’t you at least think we’re entitled to some answers?

Sure, maybe we weren’t considering your needs like we should have been. We didn’t pay much attention to starting pitching for awhile, but we have needs too! The bullpen isn’t going to rebuild itself, and we explained to you that those trips to Japan were for business! Fujikawa-san is just a friend! He’d never come between us! And Madson? He’s only going to help get more of the sweet wins we both love so much. Jered and the rest of the boys (or what’s left of the ol’ gang) wanted to see you and share more of those wins. If we could have worked this out, it wouldn’t be like old times. It’d be better!

And Zack, let’s not forget that you also bare some responsibility here. We understand you want to test the waters, but going back to your ex is a questionable decision at best. You have a long history in Kansas City though, and we have to respect that you would consider going back. Getting closure on your past is a healthy thing after all. That can be forgiven, but we're kind of angry that now you’re talking to our sister up in LA! What the hell, Zack? You didn't have to sneak around with her behind our backs! That said, we might have been able to overlook even that indiscretion. Aspiring for a higher batting average is an admirable pursuit after all. BUT, now we’re getting rumors that you’re talking to that BITCH in Texas! That’s the line, Mr. Grienke. If you’re not careful, you’ll lose us forever.

We think we’ve got something special here, Zack. Our little Mikey Trout is growing into a fine young man and he and his friends are going to turn some heads out there next year. Papa DiPoto’s made some big changes before the Winter Meetings and he’s looking to shape things up around the here. Everyone’s looking forward and smiling. The decision was yours to be a part of that, and with your recent actions, we have to assume that you feel we should both move on. Like so many things in life, you won’t know what you’ve truly got until it’s gone.

Take care of yourself, Zack. You know they'll never love you like we do.

-Angels Fan