Mike Trout was called up a little over a month ago and it is already clear that he has become the hero of the Angels’ season. He’s done superhuman things at the plate, on the bases and in the field. He is just so amazing that I cannot believe he is just a 20-year old human being. The more I think about, the more I have come to realize that Mike Trout is Superman.
Like, for real, actually Superman.
I know that sounds like crazy hyperbole, but I’m dead serious. Mike Trout is the last son of Krypton and I can prove it beyond a reasonable doubt.
Exhibit A: Mike Trout is “faster than a speeding bullet”
For those of you without a stopwatch handy, that’s Mike Trout busting down the line and getting from home to first in 3.53 seconds, which is arguably the fastest such time since the great Mickey Mantle did it in 3.5 seconds back in the day. That, my friends, is super speed.
Exhibit B: Mike Trout is more powerful than a “locomotive”
The farthest and most well hit of Trout’s homers as a big leaguer. It went just 414 feet, but he hit it to right center and the deepest part of the ballpark. Certainly one would expect Superman to be capable of tape measure home runs, but methinks Trout is also a clever superhero and toning down the distance on his homers so as not to arouse suspicion as to his true identity.
Exhibit C: Mike Trout can fly
Note the classic “Superman” form of flying. Arms extended, one leg straight back, one knee in pike position. Throw a red cape on Trout and you have a perfect match. That’s levitation, homes.
Exhibit D: Mike Trout is indestructible
That crash would’ve have felled a mere mortal. But Mike slams into the wall and gets up unscathed. No concussion. No broken nose. No separated shoulder. No bruised ribs. Not even a scratch. INVINCIBLE!!!!
Exhibit E: Mike Trout wears disguises in his civilian life
Alright, this is hardly the mild-mannered Clark Kent look, but he is wearing glasses just like Clark, right?
The only hole in my theory is that Trout has yet to shoot red heat rays out of his eyes. I can only assume that is because there is really no practical reason to do such a thing during a baseball game, so my theory remains intact.
I, for one, am glad to see that our intrepid hero has chosen to use his powers for good and help the Angels win. Now let’s hope the Rangers don’t use their bountiful farm system to try and combat SuperTrout. I don’t know about you, but I think if Texas offers Jurickson Profar to Krypton for General Zod, Krypton has to say yes, right?