Predicting the reactions to an Angels trade in advance

The Angels may or may not make a trade at the coming deadline (apologies to Barry Enright, but you don’t really count).  It looks like they will likely make a deal, but we can never know for sure because none of us are Jerry Dipoto and he may not even know if he will definitely make a trade because he is not psychic.

What we can attempt to do though is determine how everyone will react if the Halos to consummate a deal.  While we don’t know what JeDi has in mind, I’m pretty sure that spending several hours per day talking about potential trades with other people has given me a good read on how the masses of Angels fans will react if one of the hypothetical deals go down.  Let’s take a look at a few, shall we?

Cole Hamels

The optimistic Angels fan says, “Woohoo!  Just hand us the World Series now!!!  Suck it, Texas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

The pessimistic Angels fan says, “Oh, great.  We just gutted our entire farm system so that Hamels can sign with the Dodgers for $150 million next season.”

The well informed Angels fan says, “Wait, how did we trade for Hamels, he just signed an extension with the Phillies.”

Zack Greinke

The optimistic Angels fan says, “Hell yeah!  Let Texas get Hamels, Greinke is probably better anyway and he costs less!!!  We are so going to win the division now.”

The pessimistic Angels fan says, “We just gave up all those top prospects for a guy who is going to have a mental breakdown during the pennant race.  Awesome.”

The poorly informed Angels fan says, “Who is this kid?  He looks like he’s 12 years old.”

Josh Johnson

The optimistic Angels fan says, “Oh wow!  If Johnson can pitch like he did before his injury, the Angel rotation might be the best of all time!”

The pessimistic Angels fan says, “Yeah, it is a good trade right up until Johnson’s arm falls off.”

The bandwagon Angels fan says, “I’ve never heard of this guy, but I am going to go buy his jersey right now.  It will match my black and green Angels hat that still has the sticker on it perfectly.”

James Shields

The optimistic Angels fan says, “Another steal for JeDi!  Shields might be having a rough season, but he was an ace last season.”

The pessimistic Angels fan says, “What the f@#k!!!  This is going to be Scott Kazmir all over again.”

The old, overly nostalgic Angels fan says, “I don’t care, he’ll never be better than Scot Shields.”

Trading away Peter Bourjos

The optimistic Angels fan says, “Totally worth it.  He was a spare part and he can’t even hit his own weight.”

The pessimistic Angels fan says, “Noooo!  You fools!!!  You’ve damned us to a future of Vernon Wells in the starting lineup next season when Hunter leaves via free agency.  Nobody was worth giving up our beloved Speedy Petey.”

The sabermetic fanatic Angels fan says, “But… but… but… his UZR.  His UZRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!”

Trading away Garrett Richards

The optimistic Angels fan says, “He could be good, but this is a win now move and Richards is way too inconsistent to be part of a playoff rotation right now.”

The pessimistic Angels fan says, “I’m glad we got a more reliable starter for him, but now the Angels are stuck with Santana or Williams in the rotation and have absolutely zero pitching depth in the minors.  Short-sighted.”

The ? Angels fan says, “???”

Trading away Kendrys Morales

The optimistic Angels fan says, “What the what?!?! He was almost the MVP in 2009!  He was just about to break out again.  They are really going to regret dealing him.”

The pessimistic Angels fan says, “SUCKERS!!!!!  Congratulations on getting a 250-pound, slap-hitting, one-legged platoon DH.”

The ? Angels fan says, “???”

The Angels make no trade at all

The optimistic Angels fan says, “Haren is back and Richards is getting better.  The Halos will be just fine, especially if Santana figures it out.  Now excuse me, I have to go stick my head in some sand.”

The pessimistic Angels fan says, “Oh dead God!  Jerry Dipoto has secretly been replaced by Bill Stoneman.  At least Reagins would’ve done something.”

The meme-obsessed Angels fan says, 

Dipoto meme

Garrett Wilson

About Garrett Wilson

Garrett Wilson is the Supreme Overlord of Monkeywithahalo.com and editor at The Outside Corner. He's an Ivy League graduate, but not from one of the impressive ones. You shouldn't make him angry. You wouldn't like him when he is angry.

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