For some time now, The Big A has been showing its age. She’s still quite a looker, but she hasn’t been the prettiest gal at the ball for awhile. Still, with a “Most fan friendly” award from ESPN and what Deadspin recently showed as the cheapest beer per ounce in the MLB, she’s sort of like Han Solo’s Millennium Falcon: “She may not look like much but she's got it where it counts, kid[s].”
With the recent agreement between Arte Moreno and the City of Anaheim, the stadium now has Arte’s seemingly bottomless pocketbook with which to get a makeover. No 90's beauty parlor montage could have prepared us for this. Renovation was supposed to be a bill (only slightly begrudgingly) footed by the taxpayers. Having “Arte Warbucks” pour his substantial financial influence into the stadium is a definite game changer. But what will he do with this new power?
In cutting loose Torii Hunter and acquiring the services of Josh Hamilton, Arte has shown he is not afraid to let go of some tradition to bring another team’s establishment to Anaheim. Could we see the demolition of the iconic rock pile and the installation of a West Coast Green Monstah? Is there a possibility the family seats in right field could be removed in favor of some Kaufman Stadium style fountains (Trumbo seemed to like them in last year’s Home Run Derby after all)? Perhaps the 57 Freeway can be re-routed to get some waterfront property as they have in AT&T park? We are talking a LOT of money here, but Arte has shown he’s not afraid to spend on improvements that are of questionable help to the team.
Frankly, we should forget all that noise. We need a zip line.
The stadium needs something distinctive, something that no other stadium has. Think about it. Vegas’s Downtown is currently installing a line going all the way down Fremont St. If they can build a giant slot machine to send riders over 1,500 feet, a ride from The Big A into the stadium should be a cakewalk! Picture this: You bring your barbecue and a cooler (we’re assuming the new parking lot arrangement will allow for some cold ones) and party with your friends under The Big A for a few hours before the game. Then, about 30 minutes before the game, you walk to a special ticket-taker, before riding an elevator up to the Halo itself. You strap in for safety and then let fly across the new zipline over the parking lot to land in the Budweiser Pavilion just in time to grab an aluminum bottle before the game. Besides recreational transportation to the stadium, if Arte wants to bring back some of the Disney magic, why not have Tinkerbell light the Halo after a win and then “fly” into the stadium! HOW IS ANY OF THAT NOT AWESOME??
Let’s face it, there is simply no way to get fans to agree on what talent to trade for or which free agent contracts to purchase. Anyone can write a piece on why one player is a better option for the team than another, but when it comes down to it, none of us are in the front office. We don’t know what new office personnel is going to be hired or what their plan is for winning. Fantasy baseball is about as close as any of us will get to trading Howie Kendrick in the off-season. We can’t campaign for a player, but we can campaign for stadium additions. If it’s something that fans will spend money on, the office WILL listen. So send in those emails! A steakhouse? A bounce house? A bathhouse? Don’t limit your imagination! The sky is the limit!
And what better what to touch that sky than a zipline?