The first round of All-Star voting was released for the American League yesterday. As usual, the Angels were not all that well represented, mostly because Halo fans aren't insecure or stupid and thus don't feel the need to vote for every single Angel on the ballot dozens of times per day. It might also have something to do with the fact that the Angels kind of suck right now.
But what's the fun in that? Let's be sheep like all the other fan bases and vote for every Angel whether they deserve it or not (SPOILER ALERT: most of them don't deserve it). I know that might be hard to justify, but I have perfectly acceptable reason that you can use to make your vote for every Halo player legit.
Albert Pujols – There was a movement to get Mariano Rivera named the starting pitcher of the All-Star Game to honor him in his final season before he retires. So I think we should do the same for Albert and get him named a starter too. Huh? What's that? Come again? You mean, he's- Are you sure? Not retiring at all? Well, then….
Howie Kendrick – Howie is actually having an All-Star caliber season so a vote for him is actually justifiable, however that isn't why you should vote for him. The real incentive is that Howie will become a sleeper agent of sorts. Since it is pretty clear the Angels won't be in the World Series, planting Howie in the All-Star Game puts him in perfect position to come up with a trademark GIDP in a clutch situation to cost the AL the game and thus potentially rob hated rivals like the Rangers, Red Sox, Yankees and Tigers from getting home field advantage in the World Series. Excellent, Smithers.
Erick Aybar – Since he never walks or works a deep count, the normally interminable All-Star Game will be over a little bit faster. You're welcome, America.
Alberto Callaspo – If we can somehow get Callaspo voted in as the starter instead of Miguel Cabrera, we will get the pleasure of watching the mainstream media columnists twist themselves into logic knots as they try and justify voting for Miggy as MVP. We'll trap them without their own stupid, meaningless measure of a player's value that really isn't a measure of a player's value. Oh sweet, sweet revenge!
Chris Iannetta – This is less to do with Iannetta and more Scioscia who has never coached a catcher to the All-Star Game. I just feel like it would mean a lot to Sosh.
Mark Trumbo – In all seriousness, you should vote for Trumbo. No joke. He is a really good dude and his numbers stack up against any other DH on the ballot. Vote Trumbo, please.
Peter Bourjos – If we can get Bourjos and Trout into the All-Star Game at the same time, we might finally get MLB to act on my dream of having a skills competition during All-Star Weekend with the first event being a foot race to see who is the really the fastest man in MLB. Even better, we can make this something to gamble on in Vegas, in which case I would make a nice chunk of change off my Trout-Bourjos Exacta Box.
Josh Hamilton – Just because I want to see the heads of thousands of Rangers fans explode should Hamilton get voted in.
Mike Trout – Vote for Trout quite simply because if you don't you will burn in hell for eternity as a heretic.