Jerry Dipoto: Metaphor Mixmaster

Jerry Dipoto is a very talented man. He is a former MLB closer and now general manager who is able to blend sabermetrics and scouting. He’s made some of the biggest free agent signings in baseball history and also built a division winner via a series of (usually) clever trades both big and small.

But there are things about Dipoto you may not be aware of. For example, we’ve discovered over the course of this offseason that he knows a lot about a variety of topics and interests. How else do explain his prolific ability to paint vivid pictures with his quotes to local beat writers? Allow me to demonstrate.

It would seem that Jerry has found an appreciation for the ocean now that he lives in Orange County.

I know the Pacific Ocean can be a dangerous place, but the Sea of Free Agency sounds downright terrifying the way JeDi describes it. He’s wise to exercise caution. I heard he went too far out into that sea once and it cost the Angels $125 million.

Truly a man in touch with nature, Dipoto once again draws a comparison relating to the Angels’ possible activity, or lack thereof, in free agency.

I don’t know that anyone actually “plays” on a food chain, but the point is taken. The top of the food chain is a perilous place, especially when the wild Boras is still on the loose.

Not impressed yet? Well, let’s see what happens when Jerry ups the degree of difficulty on his metaphor mixing. Here we see Dipoto successfully pull off the rarely seen metaphor within a metaphor

To use a football field as a metaphor, I feel like we’re in the opponent’s territory and now we just have to figure out a way to get in the red zone and put it away.

That’s a football metaphor, but it is a military metaphor (“enemy territory”) in relation to football. That’s metaphor inception, Holmes.

What I really like about Dipoto though is that he is a man of the people. He is clearly a smart man, but he also isn’t an elitist.

I’m happy to be in the position to tinker under the hood.

Yup, Jerry just likes to crack open a cold one, head out to the garage and tinker under the hood a bit. Just fiddle around with the ol’ engine and see if he can’t loosen up the transmission or find himself a utility infielder. Jerry Dipoto, every man.

But don’t think that Dipoto can’t be given to the fantastical, too. Quite the opposite, actually. You could say that Jerry has to fight a reputation for pulling rabbits out hats. He would like to dispel that notion.

It leaves everyone the sense that we are trying to unveil the magic at the last minute.

ABRACADABRA! JeDi just turned Howie Kendrick into a top flight pitching prospect! That’s some nice misdirection there, Jerry, but we all knew that you had something up your sleeve.

At the end of the day though, Dipoto just likes to tell stories.

Jerry Dipoto called the offseason “an ongoing story” and said, “We’re not done getting better.”

How else do you explain his fascination with all these rich metaphors?

Well, it might just be that he has a strange fixation with spiderwebs.

“I don’t know how the spider web is going to go but however it comes, we’ll try to capitalize.”

Seriously, that is like one of three spiderweb-related quotes he’s made in the last month. Spiderwebs are gross, man. Cut it out.

Oceans, ecology, entomology, auto repair, football, military tactics and magic. Dipoto knows them all, but Dipoto knows metaphors best.

Garrett Wilson

About Garrett Wilson

Garrett Wilson is the founder and Supreme Overlord of Monkeywithahalo.com and editor at The Outside Corner. He's an Ivy League graduate, but not from one of the impressive ones. You shouldn't make him angry. You wouldn't like him when he is angry.

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