It’s settled, the offseason is entirely too long.
Yes, football and hockey have helped to fill the gap, but it’s seems like ages since we’ve seen a hot grounder, a sacrifice fly, a leadoff bunt, or a ninety-five mile per hour fastball. Baseball fans are about ready to chase our fix like a cat chases a cheap laser pointer dot. Spring Training begins very soon, but it’s not soon enough. We need the MLB Network to step up and TRULY be the MLB Network. We’re talking original programming. There’s a new pilot on the air every three weeks, there’s no good reason why we can’t roll the dice with some quality baseball shows.
Why not try out C.J. Wilson and Jered Weaver in a buddy cop comedy? The wacky antics of officers Wilson and Weaver would delight the sitcom audiences. And how they’ll laugh when an angry Chief Scioscia demands their badges for their sophomoric shenanigans. Call it “Aces” and put it on after a rerun of Dog: The Bounty Hunter. There’s no chance it won’t clean up come sweeps time!
Albert Pujols practically SCREAMS for a children’s show. “Papa Pujols” will make quite the wise, kindly neighbor, indeed. Albert will carry the sweater passed down by Mr. Rogers and will encourage kids to work hard and believe in themselves. He will make them want to be good people by always being honest with themselves and staying far away from things like steroids, high profile blondes, and all of the other things Alex Rodriguez does.
I don’t know what it is, but Josh Hamilton seems to be the type to beg to take up the banner of Bill Nye and Mr. Wizard with his own freaky-science show. The Mythbusters are successful because they tap into everyone’s inner child and inner children’s love of blowing things up. Josh could do the same for children. Nitrogen tri-iodide crystals, thermite, all manner of demonstration and explanation of scientific methods and release of energy (read: explosions). With any luck, those big booms will find their way to his bat during the season and it’ll help him hit.
Also: Trout 24/7. That’s it. A Mike Trout reality show. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week of Mike Trout. (minus bathroom time, where we’ll show highlights/recaps). The internet will go crazy. It’ll have more viewers than a live puppy cam.
The countdown to Spring Training is on. It will seem MUCH longer than it actually is, but the days are rapidly ticking away. Soon, we’ll be awash in the news and stories of the season as winter breaks its hold and gives way to green outfields, cold beer, and warm nights at the ballpark. None of these ideas will fly this season as there is simply no time to rest. The season beckons and the division rivals aren’t slacking in their preparation. We will soon have all of the baseball we can handle and more, but we should definitely brainstorm some more ideas so that next year’s offseason is more bearable.
And really, if you wouldn’t at least DVR a cooking show with Mike Scioscia teaching you how to make Italian classics, you’re probably the kind of person that buys a ticket to the game and spends three hours playing Candy Crush.