Today at 11 am, the Angels will graciously hand over the keys to their Twitter to GM Jerry Dipoto. This is a great idea as it gives the reclusive Dipoto a chance to interact directly with the fans. And by “great idea” I mean a terrible idea because by “interact directly with the fans” I mean answering completely obvious and/or inane questions that will result in answers that are boring and/or containing no useful information or entertainment value. Other than that, I’m sure this will all go swimmingly.
To try and spice things up, I’ve decided to participate in this little social experiment. I suppose I could try and ask really smart questions in an attempt to illicit insightful responses. I could do that, but this is the internet. I am bound by the laws of the internet to instead use this opportunity to turn this whole thing into a farce and maybe even goad Dipoto into a funny or controversial response.
First, some serious ones to lull the Angels media relations staff, who are surely reviewing these questions before Jerry sees them, into a false sense of comfort:
Hi Jerry, do you see the Angels ever becoming a factor in the Asian free agent market again? #AskDipoto
Hi Jerry, any decision on whether or not Cory Rasmus will be converted into a starting pitcher? #AskDipoto
Hi Jerry, you’re doing a great job, especially this offseason. When are you going to get a contact extension? #AskDipoto
And now, I unfurl my grand plan:
Hi Jerry, on a scale of miffed to murderous rage, how upset were you when Scioscia had Calhoun try to sac bunt in the ALDS? #AskDipoto
I know you can’t say publicly, but please favorite this tweet if Arte forced you to sign Hamilton? I promise I won’t tell anyone. #AskDipoto
Hi Jerry, every single picture of you has you smiling in it. Are you just that happy or are you actually the Joker? #AskDipoto
Joe Blanton, what were you thinking? #AskDipoto
No, seriously, explain the Joe Blanton signing. #AskDipoto
Hi Jerry, have you ever once consulted “special assistant to the chairman” Tony Reagins? #AskDipoto
Hi Jerry, how old is Albert Pujols really? Don’t lie now. Santa is watching you. #AskDipoto
Hi Jerry, which do you hate more Buttercup or the Light Wave? Trick question! The correct answer is “both.” #AskDipoto
So, go ahead and tune into the Twitter event and see what happens. I already submitted all of these questions late last night. You should be able to find them in my timeline (@Garrett_MWAH) to see if they get replies. If we’re lucky, one or two might. If we’re unlucky, I’ll probably get blocked. Go ahead and place your bets now.