Just two All-Stars for the first-place Angels? You must be kidding? How dare Joe Maddon snub his former club for this most meaningful of meaningless games! I am flabbergasted and stupefied! I am indignant and incensed! I am…
… not one of those insane fans that actually cares about the All-Star game selections. Look, this game is nothing but an exhibition and until Bud Selig lost his mind and decided that the league that wins the game gets home field advantage in the World Series, it meant less than nothing instead of an iota above nothing as it does now. So, in order to quell the rage inside all you zealots out there, let’s take a quick pass through the Angels roster and examine the case for All-Stardom for each and every beloved Halo.
Bobby Abreu – The stats aren’t that bad, but with just six homers on the season as a corner outfielder, he doesn’t even come close to meeting All-Star criteria, though I am sure if he played in Boston or New York, the fans there would somehow feel he has a legitimate beef as a snub.
Erick Aybar – The only way Aybar gets on the team is if Scioscia tries to sneak him on there in order to drive Joe Maddon insane for a game from having to deal with Aybar’s mental errors. It would be brilliant gamesmanship by Sosh, but ultimately isn’t doable.
Jason Bulger – Two blown saves and just five holds? Yeah, not so much for one of the charter members of the Bullpen of Doom even though he has been much better lately.
Chone Figgins – It is hard to argue that Evan Longoria and Michael Young aren’t better selections at third base than Figgy, but after that he is clearly deserving as a top ten guy in average, runs and steals. I seriously doubt he wins the fan vote off just because he is up against Ian Kinsler who has all the crazy Texas fans behind him who somehow were able to vote an injured and struggling Josh Hamilton into the All-Star game. Hopefully Figgy can get the call if there is an injury replacement needed.
Brian Fuentes – While Fuentes’ ERA and WHIP aren’t as impressive as other closers, he does lead the league in saves, so he is almost an automatic invitee even though saves are a bit of an empty statistic. Still, Fuentes certainly deserves some extra credit points for keeping himself from being infected by the Bullpen of Doom Syndrome.
Vladimir Guerrero – Players who can barely hit fastballs over 90 mph don’t make the All-Star team. Good day, sir.
Torii Hunter – No problems at all with the nomination to the All-Star squad outside of him not being a starter over Josh Hamilton. It will never happen, but Hunter deserves some real MVP consideration this year as well.
Maicer Izturis – I’m sure if you asked Mike Scioscia, Mighty Maicer would be the All-Star starter at both shortstop and second base. That is why the fans do the voting.
Kevin Jepsen – Double-digit ERAs and demotions to the minors do not an All-Star make.
Howie Kendrick – Kendrick an All-Star? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Moving on…
John Lackey – Big John has been strong lately, but his slow start after missing the first several weeks of the season gave him no chance.
Jeff Mathis – Only seven players (with 100+ plate appearances) have worse OPS numbers than Mathis. Next!
Gary Matthews Jr. – Private Matthews is definitely better than Mathis, but only by a few spots on the OPS ladder. I guess he’ll have to wait to collect that All-Star bonus incentive payment until next year… or never. I’m sure the $50 million he is stealing from Arte Moreno will help cushion the blow of disappointment he must be feeling right now.
Kendry Morales – Morales is good but not great and that isn’t going to cut it at a position stacked with premiere sluggers like Teixeira, Youkilis and Morneau. Once he learns to hit lefties, maybe we can revisit the issue.
Mike Napoli – If Mike Scioscia didn’t insist on platooning him with Mathis, Napoli might have had a shot. Even then, Joe Mauer and Victor Martinez are definitely worthy selections since they are having better years and have a longer track record of success on their resume.
Darren Oliver – Old Man Oliver has been a godsend for the Angels’ bullpen, but it is almost impossible to make the All-Star team as a middle reliever without a microscopic ERA and/or big strikeout numbers.
Matt Palmer – I’m sure if he made the team, he’d somehow end up getting the win, but being more lucky than good does not factor into the All-Star selection criteria last time I checked.
Robb Quinlan – He is the captain of the “How Do I Still Have a Job” All-Stars and that is going to be as close as he ever gets to making the All-Star team.
Juan Rivera – As good as Rivera has been lately, it is too little too late. Plus, I think when you have “started the season platooning with Gary Matthews” on your resume, you are automatically removed from All-Star consideration.
Ervin Santana – He’s spent so much time rehabbing that I am surprised he didn’t make the Triple-A All-Star game, but this obviously is not an All-Star season for Santana.
Joe Saunders – It won’t be two All-Star games in a row for Saundo, which should be the least of his concerns based on how poorly he has been pitching lately.
Justin Speier – When you can’t lockdown the set-up man job in this leaky bullpen despite Scioscia practically begging him to step up and take it, there will be no All-Star Game for you.
Rich Thompson – I’m not even sure Chopper would make the All-Star Game if it were limited to Australian citizens only.
Jered Weaver – If there is one guy with a legit reason to feel snubbed, it is Weaver. If he hadn’t fallen into a slump over the last two weeks, he might have actually made it over Tim Wakefield and his 4.30 ERA getting selected as a sort of lifetime achievement award.