I’m battling a nasty virus or something, so as much as I would like to write something particularly poignant or insightful, you’ll all just have to settle for this month’s edition of Monkeying Around.
I feel like this monkey looks.
- Kendry Morales hasn’t played since May 29th but it took until June 19th for someone, Torii Hunter, to overtake him for the team in homers yet nobody on this team is projected to hit more than 30 dingers on the season. So much for the new more powerful Halo line-up.
- Last year the Angels for a short time boasted a lineup full of .300 hitters. This season they have zero regulars hitting over .300. The closest they have is Red Sox reject Kevin Frandsen who is hitting .352 but seems destined for a bench roll and Jeff Mathis who is hitting .310 but it probably more likely to discover cold fusion than he is to keep hitting over .300 the rest of the way.
- After listening to vuvuzelas while watching the World Cup (shhh, don’t tell anyone I actually watch soccer), I think the Angels are finally free to bring back the Thunder Sticks. Once the poster child for annoying fan gimmicks, Thunder Sticks would sound like a sweet symphony compared to the incessant buzzing of the vuvuzelas.
- By UZR the Angels are the worst fielding team in the majors and now they have Mike Napoli at first, Kevin Frandsen at third and Brandon Wood at shortstop. Maybe we should all stop talking about trading for more pitching or a big bat to replace Kendry and try trading for someone who can actually catch the damn ball?
- Somehow I left this out of my Series Rewind yesterday, but a belated screw you to Joe Saunders. Yesterday was my very first Father’s Day and I was looking forward to kicking back, relaxing and watching the Angels (because, you know, I never do that normally) and he had to go and get shelled before I even had a chance to finish lunch. On the positive side, I did get a brand new Angels hat from my daughter, so the day ultimately proved to be a win. Still, I ‘d like to request Jered Weaver get the starting nod on all major holidays going forward.
- The Angels may have recently swept the Dodgers, but Los Doyers have the Halos beat in area, dating pornstars. I guess there are some perks to actually having your Los Angeles-based team actually being based out of Los Angeles. I did actually try to scroll through the pornstar’s Twitter feed to figure out who the mystery Dodger might be (or at least that is what I told my wife when she caught me) but I couldn’t. I just hope that for the sake of comedy the Dodger turns out to be Manny Ramirez if only because it would totally validate his claim that he was taking a testosterone booster to help him with performance problems in the bedroom. Sorry, Mr. Selig. I didn’t mean to take steroids. I was just trying to keep up with my pornstar girlfriend.
- Do you miss John Lackey? Yeah, me neither, but for the small amount of you who do, be sure to note that Big John’s stats thus far this season are 87.1 IP, 4.53 ERA, 1.58 WHIP, 49 K and 1.0 WAR. Now take a look at Joel Pineiro’s (the man who effectively replaced Lackey) stats 91 IP, 4.45 ERA, 1.29 WHIP, 59 K and 1.4 WAR. Really the only thing Lackey has Pineiro beat in is wins (8 versus 6, respectively). Considering that Lackey makes more than twice what Pineiro makes, I’ll talk Joel every day of the week and twice on Sunday.
- I wonder if Mike Scioscia has considered just recording himself saying “Brian Fuentes is still our closer.” That way he can just play the clip after each of Fuentes’ poor outings and save himself the weekly grilling from the press on why he insists on keeping him installed as the closer.
- Does anyone else have flashbacks to Shawn Wooten whenever they see Mike Napoli playing first base? I know Naps has dropped weight the last few years, but they are both portly guys and wear the same number.